What's in the Past
by cellochick373
Summary: Fuffy eventually. It's been a rough year and a half since Faith's been away...


Ok, _finally_, I have the beginnigns of my story redone! I know it's been a long time coming, but I wanted to take a completely different approach...problem was, that completely different approach was way more difficult to write than before! But here it is, you will recognize some parts of it that I "recycled", but the majority of it is brand new! Enjoy!

* * *

Buffy sighed. She and Willow had been wandering around one of the worst neighborhoods in Chicago for almost two hours, and they still had no clue exactly what they were looking for. Stopping as Willow plopped herself down on a park bench and groaned, Buffy leaned up against a tree and wondered for what had to be the billionth time how she had ended up here. She had finally settled into a nice daily rhythm, when Giles had cornered her one day and told her that she needed to find Faith.

The blonde remembered clearly the ensuing screaming match that had taken place, but more clearly than that she still remembered everything that Faith had done to hurt her. All of their fights, all of the pain...it still woke her up some nights, the look that Faith had on her face as she let herself fall backwards off of the roof. For every moment of pain, though, there was some moment of unadulterated happiness to go along with it- Faith drawing a heart in a fogged window, fighting side by side and reveling in the feeling of invincibility, dancing with the brunette pressed close against her.

Buffy had given it more than ample thought, but she still wasn't quite sure if she loved the brunette or hated her. On the outside, however, she remained resolute in her apparent despise for the younger slayer, and she wasn't about to let that slip unless she was certain.

Despite the fit she had thrown when Giles had approached her about going after the brunette, Buffy was almost glad that she was going to be able to check up on her. It wasn't like her former mentor to show such concern, least of all for Faith, and for him to push her as hard as he had...she knew he wouldn't have done that if he didn't know _something_. He had eventually caved to her incessant questioning, and told her that he had gotten some intel on Faith and heard that something had happened.

She wasn't in Seattle anymore, he said, but he thought she was located somewhere in the general area of Chicago. When Buffy had arched a brow at the flimsy reason she was going to have to track the brunette down, Giles had sighed and told her grudgingly that whatever had happened, it was serious. He hadn't been able to get ahold of Faith even when he was trying for the past few months, which had never happened before in all his years. Him finding out she was in Chicago had been nothing more than a stroke of luck, an old contact spotting the brunette and calling him.

If nothing else, Buffy was at least intrigued by the story, and had asked Willow to come along for the ride. Inhaling deeply, Buffy released her breath into the frigid Chicago air, watching as the puff of steam quickly dissipated. Turning, she tugged Willow to her feet and they continued walking.

They had gotten to Chicago in the late evening, and had been searching for Faith ever since. Willow had been hesitant to use a spell to locate her unless it was absolutely necessary, but it was almost dawn and Buffy was nearly ready to ask the redhead again.

"C'mon, Will, lets head back towards one of the main roads. If we don't find her there, do you think you could maybe use a spell?" Willow nodded tiredly. She wasn't a fan of wandering cemeteries all night- she liked her sleep, and found herself half-wishing that she had just used a spell in the first place. Sighing as they started walking again, she hoped they found Faith soon so they could see what was wrong with her and just go home.

* * *

The brunette paused for the briefest of moments, silhouetted against the black night as she stood on top of the tomb. Glancing around, she saw the slightest movement in her peripheral vision and moved with lightning speed, staking the vampire before it even knew she was gone from the tomb.

Sighing to herself, Faith continued on her patrol, shivering just the tiniest bit at the freezing temperatures and light snowfall. When she saw the sun begin to tint the sky a lighter shade of gray, she turned towards home, jogging lightly to try and get there faster. The cold might not bother her that much, but she knew from experience that the adrenaline would wear off soon enough and it was so much better to be able to just fall into bed when that happened.

Reaching her apartment complex, she ran up the stairs quickly, reaching her room on the fifth floor and opening the door. Stepping inside a bit warily, once she was certain that she was alone in the apartment, Faith closed and bolted her door before going into her room. Kicking off her boots, she stripped off her jeans and jacket before climbing into her bed. The second she was stretched out, the exhaustion hit like a brick wall and she was asleep without another thought.

* * *

Faith bolted upright in bed, a strangled scream escaping her lips. Catching herself as she almost fell out of bed, she tried desperately to calm her pounding heart and harsh breathing. After a few minutes passed, the sound of her gasping breaths had diminished, and she listened to the silence, trying to bring herself back to reality.

For the last few weeks, her sleep had been haunted by the same nightmare, and it always ended with Faith waking drenched in a cold sweat, screaming. Standing and moving towards her shower, Faith thought about the dream for the hundredth time, trying to figure out why she couldn't shake it. It always started with her on a normal patrol, and everything was going great. Out of nowhere, Buffy would be standing in front of her, reaching out a hand and smiling. Faith always fought desperately with herself about what to do- on the one hand, she wanted nothing more than to take Buffy's hand and all that she was offering, but then she never knew if Buffy was just doing it so she could rip it all away.

Just when she'd made the choice to take Buffy's hand, though, the blonde always jerked it back, staring at Faith with a horrified expression. When Faith looked down, she would see blood seeping through her shirt from cuts, flowing down her arms and back as well. The disgust in Buffy's eyes pierced Faith through to the core, but as she started to turn away she always saw the vampire coming up behind Buffy. The blonde was always so distracted that she didn't heed Faith's silent screaming as the vampire drew back, ready to kill her. Immediately before the killing blow struck, Faith always woke up in a complete panic, unsure where reality started and the dream ended.

Stepping into the steamy warmth of the shower, the brunette looked down at her body and sighed. She understood at least part of the dream. Running her fingers down her stomach, she remembered a time when she had been desperate and lost enough that she had covered her back, stomach, and arms with deep cuts and gashes, just to see if she could still feel.

Her slayer healing had taken care of the visible consequences for the most part, with only the faintest of scarring from some of the worst cuts. If she hadn't known exactly where to look, she would have been unable to see that anything had ever happened. The residual pain that lingered, however, was a completely different story.

For whatever reason, each cut seemed to radiate an aura of pain outwards in a thin line, and no matter what she did Faith couldn't get rid of it. While any normal person would never know that anything had happened, she knew that anyone who was tuned in would be able to tell in a heartbeat.

Closing her eyes and trying to lose herself in the comfort of the warm water streaming over her face, Faith thought about the second part of the dream. Much as she tried, she couldn't figure out why she was unable to warn Buffy, or why Buffy ignored her warning. She berated herself every time she woke up for having even considered taking a chance on Buffy not deserting her, but every time she had the dream she still did the same thing.

The rejection was to be expected, she supposed, after the way she left, but that didn't explain why she couldn't help the blonde or save her from the attack even when she saw it coming. Shaking her head to try and clear all thoughts of the dream from her mind, she shut off the water and stepped out of the shower. Towling her hair and slipping into a pair of jeans and a form-fitting shirt, she looked at the clock and sighed. She still had hours before it would even start to get dark, which meant time to kill. Grabbing her coat, she headed out the door to grab a bite to eat and distract herself.

Seated in her usual corner, Faith allowed herself to sink into the comfortable chair cushions as she waited for the waitress to bring her the coffee. A blonde turned the corner, and for a moment Faith found herself staring in shock as Buffy walked towards her. Looking down quickly, the brunette looked back up and Buffy had been replaced by a cute blonde waitress, who set Faith's cup down and winked. "Anything else I can do for you, cutie?" Faith shook her head numbly, watching as the blonde left with a slightly disappointed look.

Since coming to Chicago, she hadn't allowed herself to let anyone in, and she certainly wasn't about to start now. Sure, there had been people- both girls and boys- who she had slept with, but she always left before they woke up in the mornings, and usually it was just a quick fuck to occupy herself and sate her physical need. Nobody meant anything, and Faith certainly wasn't about to open herself up to being hurt _again._

First Buffy and the Scoobies, and then Seattle...Faith shuddered at the thought, quickly banishing the memory before it could grab hold of her. Standing, she left the waitress a generous tip before heading back to her apartment. Going up the stairs, she was about to open her door when she froze, senses tingling. She could make out voices coming from inside her apartment, and her slayer sense was going crazy.

Silently turning her key, she opened the door in one swift movement, ready to kill whoever was in her room.

* * *

Willow was chattering away at Buffy, who was perched uncomfortably on a couch. The redhead had been all too willing to cast a spell after a night of walking, and they had found Faith's apartment in record time. Willow had unlocked the door easily and had gone right in, not wasting any time at making herself at home. She was talking about some pointless encounter with Kennedy a day or two prior when Buffy tensed and the door swung open.

Willow stopped talking in mid-sentence and both girls watched Faith intently for some response. She didn't show any emotion, but when she spoke her voice was small as she asked, "Is it really you, B?" Buffy nodded slowly, standing to meet the other girl. Feeling a knife at her throat, she was amazed to find Faith had somehow gone from the doorway to immediately in front of her, and the brunette's eyes glowed as she said, "Prove it."

Buffy sighed and said curtly, "I don't have to. You should be able to tell without me doing anything." Faith's eyes bore into her own, and Buffy found herself getting lost in everything she could see swirling just below the surface. It was Faith, yes, but there was something so _broken_ about her that Buffy wasn't entirely sure it was the same girl. There was some pain too great for words hovering just below the surface, and without realizing what she was doing the blonde felt her hand start to move towards Faith's cheek.

The brunette jerked away before Buffy could actually touch her, and growled out, "Fine. It's you. And I see you've brought Red along for the ride. Now mind telling me what the hell you're doing in my apartment?" Willow gave Faith a scathing look and turned to address Buffy. "Are we done? She's fine- obviously still alive and in one piece, still the same bitchy Faith. I think Giles must have heard wrong."

Trying to recover her apparent hatred of the brunette, Buffy said, "Obviously. We were in the neighborhood on a tip and decided to track you down while we were here to make sure you were ok. Clearly, there was no need for that, so we can leave...But in all reality, I would rather not have to be teleported again so soon, and since we went to the trouble of tracking you down, Faith, how about a place to stay for the night?"

Faith cringed at the thought of having to share her small apartment with two women who so clearly hated her, but she had a feeling that it would go easier for her if she just gave in and suffered through the night. Nodding the tiniest bit, she turned and stalked to her room, closing the door loudly behind her. Buffy heard the door slam and raised an eyebrow at Willow. "Did she really just agree to that?" she asked, unable to believe that Faith would even entertain the thought of such a proposal.

Similarly surprised, Willow nodded before exhaling. "Well then. Guess we can just crash here till the morning. Truth be told, it'll be nice to get some sleep...though I'm not sure how I feel about being in the same place as _her_." Buffy sighed and said, "I know. But she won't try anything, and it's better than a bench in the park."

Groaning, Willow stretched out. "I'm going to take a quick nap, if that's ok. Let me know if anything happens or if you need me for anything." Nodding, Buffy went over to Faith's room. She was going to keep pretending to hate the brunette if it killed her, and that meant that she certainly wasn't going to be staying in the apartment with her.

Knocking on the door, she heard a grumbled, "What?" from inside and said, "It's getting dark, and seeing as how I'm the guest, I figured I could repay you by taking the patrol for tonight." Silence followed briefly before the door swung open and Buffy was greeted by a mildly curious Faith. "Oh really? Sure that's the real reason?"

Buffy shook her head, willing herself to keep up the facade. "Nope. It also means I don't have to be around you any more than I have to." A brief flash of anger raced across Faith's face before it was gone, and she said, "Fine. Have fun, but try not to get yourself killed, cause I'm sure as hell not gonna bail you out."

The door closed in her face, leaving Buffy standing there confused. Faith's emotions seemed to swing back and forth at the speed of light, and despite Willow's apparent unconcern, she could feel _something_, some hurt too great for words that was tearing Faith apart. Groaning at how easily Faith was still able to confuse the hell out of her, Buffy turned and went back to where Willow was now crashed. "Hey, Will, I'm going out to patrol. Try not to kill Faith, please?"

Willow mumbled something in her sleep that sounded like, "No promises," and Buffy sighed, mildly exasperated, before going over to the door. Looking over her shoulder as she went out, she saw Faith's door still firmly shut and mentally kicked herself. She didn't know why she couldn't just admit that maybe she felt something for Faith, and why she couldn't seem to stop herself from saying things that clearly pained the other girl immensely. Passing a hand over her eyes to try and remove the brunette from her mind, Buffy set off down the stairs, glad for a chance to focus on something else.

Faith sat on her windowsill, looking out at the blonde jogging away from the complex. There had been a split second when she had been holding the knife against Buffy's throat when the blonde slayer had gotten a strange, soft look on her face and she had reached out to touch the brunette's cheek. She had jerked back, a purely instinctual reflex, and in an instant the look was gone as though it had never been there.

Faith groaned and tipped her head back so it was resting on the wall. She wasn't entirely clear on how they had found her or why they had wanted to in the first place, but she had picked up from Willow's comments that Giles was probably behind it. Obviously they didn't really know anything about what had happened and what was happening now, and she couldn't help the brief flash of thankfulness she felt for that small reprieve.

Faith felt her eyes drooping, and she shook her head quickly. She didn't want to fall asleep and risk Willow witnessing the aftermath of one of her nightmares, and she resigned herself to a long night. Her thoughts wandered further as she looked out at the setting sun, getting lost in its fading orange glow.

* * *

Willow found herself jolted awake by a muffled scream, and she looked around frantically in the darkness for its source. It had come from Faith's room, but even through the wall Willow could tell that whoever was screaming was absolutely terrified. Running over to the door, and when she found it locked she muttered a quick spell to unlock it and ran into the room. Searching for Faith, she finally saw the brunette crumpled in a heap against the wall, under the window.

Going over to Faith slowly, she could hardly believe her eyes when she saw the tears streaming from the brunette's eyes and the visible shaking of her body. Moving closer, she tried to reach out to Faith and was shocked when the brunette flinched violently away from her hand. Murmuring soothingly to her, Willow tried again, and this time Faith let herself be gathered into awkwardly comforting arms.

Willow didn't know what had come over her, but the sight of Faith quaking on the floor seemed to have dispelled all of her hatred towards the brunette, and she tried to soothe her as best she knew how. When the brunette finally quieted and her body stopped shaking, Willow leaned back ever so slightly to take in her appearance. She was obviously exhausted, but her emotions were carefully walled away as she sighed and said, "Sorry."

Nodding, Willow helped her to her feet and back into bed. Unable to leave without asking, she said softly, "What happened Faith?" The brunette hesitated visibly before saying only, "Bad dream." Willow shook her head, knowing that there was more to it than that, but knowing that was all she was going to get. Faith had no reason to trust her, and for the first time Willow questioned her harsh treatment of the younger girl.

Sighing, she said, "Do you want me to cast a spell so you can get some sleep?" Faith shook her head. "I'd rather not get too dependant on you and your magic. I think I'm gonna opt for just toughing this one out." Sighing once more, Willow nodded and said, "Ok, but I'm just out on the couch if you need me. You _will_ come get me if you need anything."

Looking away, Faith murmured, "Sure," not meeting Willow's eyes.

Standing, Willow left the door open a tiny crack so that she could get back in if she needed to before going back to the couch. She felt empty without Kennedy there, and she wished she had someone to hold her so she wouldn't feel so lonely. Thinking of Faith, she was startled to realize that this was probably how the younger girl felt all the time. Something was obviously going on with the brunette, but as Willow stared up at the ceiling she realized getting Faith to trust them enough to open up was going to be a nearly impossible challenge. Sighing and turning over in her bed, she closed her eyes to try and get some sleep until Buffy got back and she could talk to her about what had just happened.

* * *

Buffy wandered the cemetery listlessly, not incredibly thrilled about the idea of staying out all night...again. Stepping over a large protruding root, she looked around, noting that everything seemed to be fairly peaceful._ But then again, if Faith's been the one patrolling the area, no wonder. She's probably exterminated anything undead for at least a 30 mile radius from here..._

Brushing her bangs out of her eyes, Buffy continued on, leaving the cemetery and starting through a nearby park. When the coast seemed clear other than an elderly couple walking in front of her, she let her mind wander once more.

_I'm starting to think that maybe Giles was right after all though...Something's up with her. I don't know what, exactly, but something happened...maybe is still happening, actually. It's so easy for me to slip into old habits, just being bitchy and not listening to a word she says, but if something's really wrong, I don't want to alienate her and push her away simply for the sake of tradition...especially when I don't even know if I really hate her. No wait, scratch that. I know I don't hate her, I just don't know what to do about it._

Forcing herself to focus on her surroundings once more as she jogged out of the park and down the streets to check the alleys, Buffy found herself getting lulled back into a sense of false security. Ducking down an alley, she was quickly lost in thoughts about Faith once more, oblivious to the dark figure suddenly appearing behind her. The vampire was reaching out to grab her by the time she even noticed she wasn't alone any more, and she spun just in time to avoid its grasp. Sharp nails gouged her arm, and the vampire had just enough time to recognize it had picked the wrong victim before Buffy staked it.

Looking down at her now-bleeding arm, Buffy groaned. She was never going to hear the end of it now- Faith would probably throw this in her face every chance she got. She couldn't even handle a simple patrol without getting hurt. Looking up at the lightening sky, Buffy decided to head back to Faith's apartment. The wound was deep enough that it would take a while to heal, and the blonde hoped that Faith might have something to at least clean it and wrap it until then. When she reached Faith's door, she prayed silently that Willow and Faith hadn't killed each other, and she cautiously opened the door.

To her surprise, Willow was still sleeping in relative peace on the couch, though she had a worried look on her face. Coming in and shutting the door quietly behind her, Buffy turned back around and was startled to see Faith watching her from the door of her room. Concern flickered in the brunette's eyes as she took in the gash on Buffy's arm, and she whispered, "Come over here. I've got some stuff to clean it."

Buffy followed the younger slayer to her bathroom, where she closed the door to keep from waking Willow. "You can sit," Faith said, gesturing to the toilet seat. Buffy sat reluctantly, not wanting to appear to accommodating, and watched Faith grab a small towel and some other supplies from the cabinet. The brunette ran the towel under the faucet and knelt by Buffy's side. In response to the questioning look she received from the blonde, she merely said, "We both know it's easier for someone else to do it. Saves the both of us time."

Biting back her comment that Faith didn't need to waste her time at all, Buffy tilted her head back, hissing softly when she felt Faith begin to clean her wound. The pain quickly dissipated, however, and all that Buffy could feel was Faith's gentle fingers moving around the edges of the wound through the cloth, almost caressing the skin. Letting her head fall all the way back and her eyes close, Buffy felt herself getting lost in the feel of Faith touching her with...tenderness?

It was so unexpected that she almost didn't know how to react, so she settled for attempting to maintain indifference. Even that proved difficult, however, as she felt her lips begin to curve up in a smile at how good it felt for Faith to touch her without any malice.

Still careful to avoid actually touching the blonde skin to skin, Faith looked up at her, catching her slight smile just before it was gone. Shaking her head and wondering what the blonde could possibly be smiling about, she gently tied a strip of cloth around the gash and sat back on her heels. Buffy opened her eyes as she felt Faith's fingers leave her skin, and she groaned quietly, rolling her shoulders to try and remove the stiffness she could already feel beginning there. Looking down at Faith, she paused, trying to find some way to thank her, but as she thought, the brunette stood to leave.

Opening her mouth to thank the younger girl, she caught Faith's hand as she moved to open the door, but before she could say anything, she was suddenly hit by a barrage of emotion. The sheer intensity of all that emotion would have been enough to bowl her over in the first place, but what shook her even more was the _pain_. Resonating above everything else, there was a constant fear, some pain too great for words, and it hurt Buffy down to the core of her being.

Faith jerked her hand away as Buffy sat there, staring at her, mouth still open.

_Fuck._

Opening her mouth and then closing it, Faith finally settled for opening the door quickly and leaving. Buffy was completely confused as to what had just happened, but she finally gathered herself enough to shut her mouth and stand to follow Faith. When she exited the bathroom, however, she found Faith's door firmly shut to her once more, and she frowned, leaning against the counter top.

"Buffy?"

She stood straight in a flash, looking for who had said her name. When she saw only Willow, sitting up and stretching, she relaxed once more, groaning and rubbing her temples. Willow patted the spot on the couch next to her, and Buffy walked over slowly, letting herself collapse into the soft cushions. Willow gently touched the bandage on Buffy's arm and asked, "Everything ok?"

Buffy nodded, saying, "It's nothing, just a scratch." The two sat in silence for a minute before Willow hesitantly said, "Buffy?"

"Hmmm?"

"I think...I think Giles may have been right." The words came out in a rush, but Buffy registered each and every one of them. "Why?"

Willow shifted her position, tucking her leg under her body, before saying, "Faith...while you were gone, she....she had...oh, I don't know how to describe it! It was like a dream, I guess, but a nightmare, only worse than anything you could imagine. I woke up when she screamed, and I found her on the floor, and she was...she was crying, Buffy. Crying and shaking, and terrified of me. _Me!_ I just... I don't know, Buffy. I don't think we should leave just yet if we can avoid it. Something's wrong."

Buffy nodded tiredly in agreement. "I know. I just don't know what."

"Well, if there's one thing I've learned in all these years, it's that a mystery doesn't remain unsolved for long with Buffy Summers around." Smiling slightly at Willow's comment, Buffy murmured something unintelligible before letting her head sink into the soft cushions of the couch.

She felt Willow gently reposition herself so that Buffy had more room to sleep, and her last thought before sinking into the bliss of sleep was that she just hoped she could figure out what was wrong before it was too late.

* * *

Ok, review and let me know what you thought! No promises about when this'll get updated, but I'll try my best.


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